


road to dawn

by KikiRose



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-29
Updated: 2018-01-27
Packaged: 2019-02-23 09:45:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13187484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KikiRose/pseuds/KikiRose
Summary: Set after Dream Drop Distance. Riku is working with Mickey to find Aqua in the Realm of Darkness, and when he's not doing that he's struggling to prepare for the next battle with Xehanort. Kairi and Axel (Lea) are training to become keyblade masters, and Sora is working to become a Master. The trio is rarely together anymore, even as they individually become stronger.Among the ongoing war, Riku is also wrestling with his feelings for Sora.





	1. One

_ One _

  
Riku has decided long ago there was never a good time to tell your best friend you were in love with them. 

Of course, that had been before he had been ripped from his simple Island life and become a villain, a hero, a Master. All while Sora chased him ceaselessly, across worlds, through dreams, to the very End of the World. 

_ Surely there had to be a good time to tell him,  _ a treacherous voice in the back of Riku’s head would whisper,  _ during all that time. On the beach, maybe. After he woke up, in Yen Sid’s tower. Surely.  _

Riku pushed all those thoughts away, down deep, closed them in a box and pretended he was over it. He wasn't a child anymore, caught up in childhood love or naivety. He was too old for those thoughts, now, and had long ago learned it was better to be alone on his path. His road to dawn, the twilight, always just one step further from the sun. 

Still, sometimes in the lilac light of dawn he would close his eyes and let himself think of Sora  _ that  _ way. 

***

“Hey, hey, it's my favorite servant of darkness turned Keyblade Master!” 

Riku groaned. He’d been spending weeks assembling all of Ansem’s journals, which was horrifically boring as well as time-consuming, and involved a great deal of reading as well as the ability to hand-bind all the loose pages into their original journal format. Sora,  _ of course,  _ had just stuffed the loose pages into whatever pocket was available and called it a day. Now, as they all worked tirelessly to figure out what Xemnas’ next move could be, Riku had volunteered to restore Ansem’s journals and reports so they could finally have a comprehensive reference guide to all that the old man had known. Riku had volunteered because of a lingering fondness for his old partner DiZ, and because he’d figured the job would mean being alone. 

That hadn’t stopped Axel from coming to visit, frequently.

“That's a pretty funny nickname,” Riku turned to look at Axel, “coming from a founding member of Organization XII.” 

Axel grinned, “hey, Riku, from one murderer to another: you gotta lighten up.” 

Riku stiffened but had nothing to say in his defense. “What are you doing here? Mickey said I would be  _ alone  _ if I used his study to work on Ansem’s journals.” 

Axel waved his hand dismissively, “no such thing as alone in this castle, buddy, I don't know how you stand this place.” 

Riku begrudgingly agreed. Disney Castle wasn't at all to his taste, despite his friendship with Mickey. 

“Aren't you supposed to be training with Kairi and Yen Sid?” Riku rubbed his temples, already exhausted. Axel had been a nuisance when they were enemies, now as an ally he was about ten times worse. Riku wished they could go back to trying and killing each other. 

“I got the day off,” Axel walked slowly around the study, “‘cus Kairi is having a big day of Keyblade history with ol’ Sid. He told me to make myself useful, so I decided to hop on a ship and come see if you needed help. Boy, do I miss being able to use the darkness portals!” 

Riku stayed silent, again annoyed to find he agreed with Axel. Gummi travel had nothing on the ability to warp between worlds almost effortlessly. Of course, the price of that kind of travel was his humanity, which did have its benefits.

“Well, your trip was for nothing, cus I don't need help. Maybe you can go scrub the floors for Minnie or something, if you want to be useful, Axel.” 

Axel frowned at him, “how many times do I have to tell you, it's Lea now.” 

Riku smirked, “slipped my mind.” 

Axel rolled his eyes, “listen,  _ kid,  _ I really think you could use my help. I've been around a lot longer than you. I knew Ansem back before any of this happened. Before you knew him, or Xehanort in all his forms.” 

Anger flashed through Riku, familiar as sunrise. He wanted to be alone. He didn't want to be reminded of his involvement with Xehanort or Ansem when he spent quite enough time thinking about it on his own. 

“Fine,  _ Lea,  _ you be my guest,” Riku stood up so violently his chair tipped back. Face flushed, he grabbed his bag and brushed past Axel, “I needed a break anyway.” 

Axel stood in the study, watching the door slam behind Riku. 

“Something's got that kid all riled up,” Axel chuckled before turning to the desk piled high with papers detailing the fall of everything he had once loved. 

***

“Sora?” 

No answer. Sora’s house was unusually quiet. Usually his mother was at the door when Riku knocked, but today no one had answered and the knob had turned at Riku’s touch. 

Sora’s mother was still a bit overprotective. It had taken a great deal of explaining on Mickey’s part to fill their parents in on everything that had happened and how their children had gone from ordinary teenagers to wielders of an ancient, magical blade. They had mostly made peace with it, but Sora’s mother had been keeping an eye on Sora as if at any second she expected him to vanish into the shadows once more. 

Riku’s father was proud of his son for being a hero and a Master, but he didn't know any of the other parts of Riku’s journey. Mickey hadn't said anything, neither had Sora or Kairi. To their parents, it was as if every child had left the island to do great deeds and then returned as whole and as innocent as they’d left. 

Riku bounded up the staircase that led to the upper floors of Sora’s familiar house. He couldn't count the hours he had spent here as a child, growing up at the dinner table like he was a second son. If only Sora could be a brother to him. If only he could recapture those feelings of love before he grew up and realized what they meant. 

Sora’s door was cracked. Riku peered in, expecting to find Sora fast asleep on his bed. Sora slept a lot, now. Riku wondered if it was lingering exhaustion from his endless quest or maybe something had messed up his body after they had let Yen Sid drop them into dreams. Sora’s bed was empty, however, and Riku pushed open the door the rest of the way as worry began in earnest. 

He let out a little sigh when he saw Sora sitting on top of his desk, giant headphones squishing his hair down, face screwed up in concentration. 

Sora’s head popped up as soon as Riku entered the room and a smile split his tan face. He slipped the headphones around his neck, “Hey, sorry--did you let yourself in?”

Riku leaned up against the doorframe, “Don’t I always?” 

Sora laughed, “I stopped trying to convince mom to lock the door more often. I think I can handle whatever comes through it now.” 

Riku nodded, quite certain Sora was right. “What are you so wrapped up in here, anyway?” 

“Oh,” Sora blushed, “nothing.” 

He quickly moved to shove whatever he was holding in an open drawer but Riku had already strode across the short distance separating them. He grabbed Sora’s wrist and wrestled away the offending object. 

“A sketchbook?” Riku raised his eyebrows. “You, er, don’t draw.” 

Sora’s terrible artistic skills had been a long running joke between the three of them. He could barely draw stick figures.

Sora snatched the sketchbook back, frowning. “I don’t draw, but I’m trying to get better. I just--well I got the idea from Namine, actually. I wanted to record some of the stuff that happened to us, you know. The way I remember it.”

Riku’s stomach flopped slightly at the mention of Namine, who remained a wisp of light in a long tunnel of his darkest memories. He found himself squinting at Kairi sometimes, as if that would somehow conjure the vision of the blond girl who had helped him restore the person most precious to him. 

Gently this time, Riku reached out for the sketchbook. The two boys locked eyes for a moment before Sora handed it to him. Their fingertips brushed and Riku felt the momentary warmth down in his bones. 

Flipping through the pages, Riku found himself looking at poorly sketched pictures of Sora’s adventures with Donald and Goofy. He paused at one, a sad smile curling his lips. It was a hastily sketched snowy mountain with a cloaked figure standing next to a swarm of Heartless. 

“I remember this,” Riku murmured, touching the charcoal version of himself. “Back in the Land of Dragons.”

Sora laughed, “back when you fought me for no reason you mean! I knew it was you, though. Even if no one else believed me.” 

Riku looked up from the picture, the words escaping him before he could stop: “How did you know?”

_ How do you always know?  _

Sora frowned for a moment, eyebrows knitting together. Riku would never tire of how expressive Sora was. Everything he thought danced over his face, illuminating his cobalt eyes and coloring his brown cheeks. Riku’s father had called Sora and “open book” when they were younger and Sora’s mother always said Sora wore his heart on his sleeve. 

“I’m not sure,” Sora finally said, tugging on his bangs, “but whenever you’re close to me I just know. I’d be able to find you if I was blindfolded in a dark room, I think. But knowing you, you’d probably find a way to make that even trickier.” 

Riku swallowed. He didn’t know what to say to that. He thought of a blindfold tight over his eyes, of running from Sora when he knew Sora was so desperate to find him, of long nights spent in agony as his mind tripped over every inch of Sora every moment--

Slowly, he put the sketchbook back in Sora’s hands. “I, I have to...er, just remembered--”

Sora’s eyes widened, “you know, that reminds me--what are you doing here at all? Shouldn’t you be with Mickey?” 

Riku exhaled slowly, grateful as always for Sora’s inability to read a room. “Lea showed up and starting irritating me so I left. He wanted to take a look at the journals, anyway.” 

Sora grinned, “You guys don’t get along cus you’re so alike, I think.” 

Riku couldn’t deny it. 

“Well, hey, if you’re around let’s go do something fun.” Sora hopped off his desk and started digging around in the clothes tangled up on his floor. “I’ve been bored to death with you and Kairi gone.”

Riku made a face as Sora pulled a tank-top off the ground. “Don’t you have any clean laundry, Sora?”

Sora looked bewildered, “this  _ is  _ clean.”

Riku sighed and shook his head. He loved many things about Sora but, his cleanliness wasn’t one of them. 

Sora peeled off his blue t-shirt and Riku’s breath got a little funny. He had seen Sora shirtless so many times he could recall the image whenever he liked, but it was always different to see it up close. The strong lines of Sora’s chest and his narrow hips, the sharp bones of his pelvis and the trail of hair leading up his stomach...

Sora pulled the navy tank top over his head and Riku grit his teeth together. “Where do you want to go?”

Sora yawned, “let’s go get some lunch. Petey’s?” 

Riku nodded at the door, “lead the way.” 

***

“So, how’s training going?” Riku asked, pushing his noodles from one side of the bowl to another. 

Sora shrugged, chewing on a strawberry thoughtfully before answering, “Mickey’s pretty tough on me. I mean, he’s still Mickey about it but...you know. Yen Sid and Donald are working with me on my magic.” 

Riku frowned. He knew Mickey was worried, they all were, that they were all on borrowed time right now. It could be any moment that Xehanort struck again, and they would be hopelessly outnumbered. 

“If it’s any consolation, Lea and Kairi are being worked hard, too,” Riku smirked, “Kairi is doing really well. Her and Lea get along pretty well considering he kidnapped her, once.”

Sora frowned, “I forget about that.” 

Riku took a sip of his soda, letting his eyes slide down Sora’s face and onto his chest. He was looking bonier than usual, and Riku could see the pale indentations in Sora’s skin that implied a wound that had been hastily healed. 

It didn’t seem fair that Sora was being trained so hard, after all he had done. All the worlds he’d saved, the people he had helped. 

Riku didn’t deserve to be a Master. He’d spent his time as a Keyblade wielder in the darkness, helping no one. It shouldn’t be him. It should be Sora. 

“How’s the whole, saving Aqua from the Realm of Darkness thing going?” Sora asked, sticking his finger into the frosting on his cake and popping it in his mouth. Riku frowned. 

“It’s been a complete disaster, so far,” Riku sighed, slumping back in his chair, “we’re gone for weeks at a time and we still can’t find her. I’d stay longer but Mickey says it’s too dangerous. He says the Realm will start to devour us, change us, if we stay too long.” 

Sora cocked his head, resting his chin on his knuckles, “you do look different when you get back from those trips.”

“Different how?” Riku raised his eyebrows. 

“I dunno,” Sora frowned, “paler, I guess. Thinner. What’s that word that’s like a candy? Oh! Brittle.” 

Riku snorted, “are you saying I look like candy when I come back from the Realm of Darkness?”

Sora blushed, looking down at his plate, and Riku’s chest constricted painfully. 

“I should go,” he stood up, rummaging around in his bag for some munny to leave on the table, “I have work for Mickey, and we’re planning another mission into the Realm soon.”

“How soon?” Sora looked up, eyes narrowing, “it’s my birthday in two months! You better not miss it!” 

Riku smiled, reaching out to ruffle Sora’s hair, “I won’t miss it.” 

He moved to leave, but Sora reached out and grabbed his hand, “Riku, wait.”

Riku jerked his hand out of Sora’s grip without thinking, the warmth of Sora’s hand sending shivers ups his arm, “What?”

“I--,” Sora’s eyes were wide, impossibly blue, “just be careful. It’s...after everything we’ve been through, everything I did and now...you and Kairi are never around.” 

Riku’s heart sank, and it took all his self control to not sit back down and promise to never leave again.

“I know,” Riku said softly, “I promise after all this is over, after Xehanort is finally gone, we’ll all be together again.” 

“Okay,” Sora looked as if he wanted to say something else, but instead he looked back down at the table, as if giving Riku permission to leave. 

Forcing himself not to linger, Riku strode out of the cafe. He would go back to Disney Castle. He would plan the next mission into the Realm of darkness with Mickey. He would find Aqua. 

He’d do it all without longing for Sora, wishing for him, dreaming of him. He would have to. 


	2. Two

_ Two _

 

Riku missed Sora’s birthday. 

At this point, he was hoping he hadn’t missed five of Sora’s birthdays. Or tens. It honestly wouldn’t surprise him to find, if he ever he stumbled out of the Realm of Darkness, that a hundred years had passed and everyone he loved was dead.

Of course, Mickey said he was being dramatic, but it certainly didn’t feel like that. 

It might go without saying but, they had gotten very lost. 

“We’ve passed that throbbing mass of darkness before,” Riku said through gritted teeth, “I’m positive.”

“It does look familiar,” Mickey frowned. 

Riku stopped short, pinching the bridge of his nose and breathing deeply. Rage was quick to come, now, and it was harder and harder to tamp it back down. Riku could feel the Realm eating him from the inside out, pulling at the loose strings of his soul like a fraying hem. 

Mickey placed a small hand on his arm comfortingly, “let’s stop for the night. Maybe some sleep will help.

Riku begrudgingly agreed, knowing sleep wasn’t easily achieved in this place. 

After an hour or so of setting up camp and eating the meager rations they had left, the two of them lay on their sleeping mats, staring up at the infinite void that made up the sky of this place.

Riku drummed his fingers against his chest, finally feeling brave enough to voice something that had been knocking around in his head for awhile now, “Mickey...do you think Aqua could even survive in here for as long as she’s been? I mean we’ve been here for...who knows, a month or so, and I already feel...wrung out.”

What was that word Sora had used, in that sunny cafe, a moment that felt like it had happened thousands of years ago? Ah, brittle. That was a good word for the way Riku felt now. 

Mickey was quiet for awhile, which Riku appreciated. It meant he was thinking of an honest answer.

“Well, Riku, I guess we can’t be sure,” the King finally said, “but does that mean we stop looking?”

He was right, of course. Riku felt so overwhelmed by sadness in that moment that he closed his eyes and rolled over, suddenly needing to be asleep. 

Riku spent a few hours drifting in and out of uneasy, dreamless sleep. Above him, the silver moon was a relentless light, an ever-staring eye among the shifting colors of night. 

The Realm tugged at him, even as he tried to sleep. He felt it in his skins, his bones, a relentless push-and-pull, as if he was being sucked out into sea. 

On the edge of sleep, as always, he could see Sora’s watchful blue eyes, feel the familiar carved out space next to him as if Sora was truly always at his side. 

Unbidden came the memory of the time the two of them had been in this dark world together, looking up at the moon, finally unified after so long running parallel journeys. Riku would never forget the relief of that moment. 

_ This world is perfect for me. If this is what the world really is...just this, then maybe I should fade back into darkness _

It was a temptation, even now. Even after so long. Riku could not deny that, as much as he loathed this realm, he was still drawn to it, too. The silence, the shadows. There was no scrutiny in this world, no narrow path to walk. In the Realm, Riku’s road to dawn became endless fields of twilight. 

Maybe he would. If it wasn’t for the people who had always, tirelessly brought him back into the light. If it wasn’t for Sora, always Sora. 

Missing him was almost a physical pain at this point, a thorn in Riku’s heart. He sat up, as suddenly it became unbearable to be under the purple sky for one more second.

“Mickey?” He said softly, touching Mickey’s arm.

The King’s eyes fluttered, “Is something the matter, Riku?”

“I want to keep looking,” Riku was already stuffing his meager possessions back into his pack, “I want to keep looking for the way back.”

Mickey allowed himself a few moments of confusion before quietly joining Riku in the packing process. He probably wanted to get home just as much as Riku did. Every second spent here without finding Aqua was a terrible, overwhelming failure.

That beautiful, bright girl. If she truly was alive in this place, after so long, then she was stronger than Riku could ever be. 

***

More time passed, and they began to grow more and more wary. Riku had spent his fair share of time in this realm, but it was different now. He’d cast off so much darkness that spending so much time in it was now more painful, more difficult. 

It was always difficult to find the way back out of the Realm. Otherwise, theoretically, Aqua wouldn’t have been lost in it. But Mickey had worked tirelessly to develop a curious little computer that they could hold in their hands, one with a little screen that was constantly scanning for the exit. It would  _ beep  _ softly when they were close. Riku didn’t pretend to understand how any of Mickey’s fancy machinery worked. He was just a simple boy from the islands, after all.

This trip, though, the machine had stayed completely silent. Riku was sure he was going to lose his mind, waiting for that  _ beep.  _

“I missed Sora’s birthday,” Riku said without thinking, as they climbed inelegantly over a pile of rusting, broken metal. 

“Gosh, how old did he turn?” Mickey, as usual, never questioned RIku’s outbursts. “I can never keep track.”

“Seventeen,” Riku smiled ruefully, “so old.”

Mickey chuckled, “What do you think he did to celebrate his birthday, Riku?” 

“Hm,” Riku helped Mickey navigate a particularly steep drop as they began the descent down the mountain of rubble, “he probably started the day with his mom’s pancakes. Then he went fishing. Then he met Kairi for cake at his favorite cafe on the islands. We used to do that all together, every year. Then, Tidus probably dumped a bucket of ocean water over his head while he was walking home.”

“Goodness!” Mickey looked concerned, “why?”

“It’s an old island tradition,” Riku smirked, “getting soaked by ocean water is supposed to celebrate the day we were born.” 

“I don’t spend enough time on Destiny Islands,” Mickey chuckled, “it really is quite something.”

“It is,” Riku replied quietly, but he wasn’t thinking about the islands. He was remembering a few years ago, just before darkness had swallowed his home, when Tidus had forgone the bucket of water and instead just dunked Sora in the ocean.

Sora had emerged, spitting and soaked, and immediately declared he would avenge himself on Tidus. He had looked so happy, then, laughing and splashing as he’d tried to tackle Tidus. Just thinking about it made Riku’s chest tight. 

_ Beep.  _

Riku froze. 

Quick as lighting, Mickey pulled out the little computer. The radar, treatously silent for so long, was now picking up on a glowing pulse of golden light. A way out. As sudden as it had appeared, though, the noise and color suddenly fizzled out again. 

“Riku,” Mickey said slowly, “were you thinking about Sora just now?”

“I--” Riku scrambled, “yes?”

“Keep thinking about him,” Mickey said urgently, looking up at him, “or talk about him. Anything. I think your hearts are communicating. It’s drawing us back.”

Riku had long ago decided that nothing was too ridiculous to believe, and Mickey’s idea made just about as much sense as anything else. 

“When we were really young,” Riku began, “Sora had this stuffed rabbit he took everywhere with him. Some older kids started made fun of him and I got embarrassed, so I stole it and hid it in my house. Sora was so upset, he wouldn’t come out to play.”

_ Beep. _

Cautiously, Riku and Mickey began to walk in the direction of the small dot of light on the screen. 

“I took the rabbit back to his house,” Riku continued, watching the light flicker and pulse, “I pretended I found it on the street. Sora was so happy, he hugged me and said I was a hero. Years later, I told him I was the one who had taken it. He told me he had known. He’d seen me take it out of his backpack. He just let me pretend I was the good guy.”

It was working, somehow. The signal was getting stronger. The two of them pressed on, following a concrete path for the first time in ages. 

“When, when I was twelve I skinned my knee really bad playing blitzball,” Riku could still remember the sudden, shocking hurt, looking down and seeing his knee bloody and raw, “Sora ran all the way to our school and broke into the nurse’s office to get a bandage and stuff to clean it out with. Then, on his way back,  _ he  _ tripped and scraped his knee. We had this huge, matching band aids for weeks.” 

Closer, closer, the beeping was now as steady as a heartbeat. 

“Keep going,” Mickey urged. 

“My dad,” Riku’s swallowed, “my dad asked, when we all got back to the islands...he talked to Sora, asked about our adventures. All Sora did was tell him how strong I’d been. How I’d saved him. He never--”

_ Never held any of it against me. Never talks about it. All the things I did. Everything I did  _ to  _ him.  _

“He’s never even asked why,” Riku’s voice was now so quiet he wasn’t even sure the King could hear him, “but he’s still never doubted our friendship now. Wouldn’t you want to know? Wouldn’t you ask? How could anyone hurt Sora the way I did if they loved them?” 

Bright as the sun, sure as dawn, light exploded in front of them. Riku looked up to see them, the doors. An exit. A way out. 

The two of them abandoned all pretense, whooping and yelling as they pushed through the doors and spilled out into the world of light.

  
  


For a long moment, all Riku was aware of was the hard ground beneath him and the smell of lemons. 

Slowly, his eyes adjusted. 

He was lying spread eagle in Disney Castle’s manicured gardens. Odd. It was usually where they entered into the Realm, back--

“Riku?”

Riku looked up and saw Sora staring at him in shock. He, Donald, and Goofy were all standing in the gardens. Riku blinked. It looked as if they had been sparring.

“Hey, Sora,” Riku said weakly.

There was another prolonged beat of silence, and then the three of them were on Riku and Mickey with shouts of joy.

“Gawrsh, we thought you guys were goners this time for sure,” Goofy said, strangling Mickey in a hug, “you’ve been gone for three months.”

_ Three months.  _ Riku’s mouth popped open.

Sora was standing close to him but not touching him, and there was something bruised in his eyes. Instinctually, Riku reached out and brushed his fingers against Sora’s cheek.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly. 

Sora’s bottom lip was trembling, “I--we were all so worried.”

“We were lost,” Riku marveled at the truth of those words, and at the natural conclusion that followed, “but you found me.”

“Huh?” Sora frowned, “I think all that time in the Realm messed with your head, Riku. I’ve been here the whole time.  
_I know,_ Riku thought, before throwing his arms around Sora. Sora went _OOF_ before wrapped his own arms around Riku’s middle.

Inevitably, the hug was joined by Mickey, Donald, and Goofy, and Riku lost Sora in the swarm of limbs and chattering and the distant yells of Kairi, Minnie, and Daisy as they ran into the garden. 

Still, Sora was there, laughing and solid and real. Always here, always where Riku needed him. As reliable and steady as the dawn.  


	3. Three

It took Riku weeks to recover from his time in the Realm.   
He was ordered to do undemanding things, and found himself working on Ansem’s journals for hours before going back to Destiny Islands. Occasionally, he’d just stay in a tiny room in Disney Castle that Mickey reserved for him. It was a neat little room, flooded with sunlight and overlooking a fountain. Riku grew to prefer it over returning home, in some ways. He enjoyed the silence, the hours in the evening when he would sit on the bed and read for pleasure, even make use of the television and video games Mickey had ordered put in the room. Sometimes, he would read for pleasure, take a book out of Mickey’s vast library and read it in the flickering lamplight of his room.   
Sora came to visit him, sometimes, but he had been getting busier with training. Riku missed him, but missing Sora was the ever underlying melody of Riku’s life. Not a moment went by he didn’t ache for him. It was best to ignore it.   
He’d also been seeing more of Axel--Lea. Riku had to admit, prolonged exposure did make him a little easier to swallow. They’d kind of started to get along.   
***  
There was a knock on Riku’s door and he looked up, neck popping painfully with the movement. He’d been pouring over Ansem’s journals for hours, and he’d quite forgotten where he was. He’d spent the last few days at Disney Castle, and he’d barely left his little room.   
“Come in,” Riku called.  
Lea opened the door and surveyed the chaos of Riku’s room with raised eyebrows.  
“How long have you been in here?” He asked, stepping gingerly over a pile of papers as he closed the door behind him.   
“Awhile,” Riku sighed, rubbing his neck.   
Lea sat down on Riku’s desk chair and propped his elbow on the desk, resting his chin on his knuckles, “You look pale, kid. The Realm still hurting you?”  
“I’m getting better,” Riku grumbled, but he did feel a bit faint at the moment.   
“I brought you something to eat,” Lea handed him a warm, paper-wrapped package.   
Riku opened it to find what could only be choice cuts of spiced fish from Mickey’s kitchen. His stomach grumbled.  
Through a mouthful he said, “How did you know I liked spiced fish?”  
Lea smirked, “Lucky guess.”  
Riku chewed thoughtfully. Lea looked very different than he had as Axel. He’d cut his hair much shorter, and now he wore a white tank top and black pants. He looked, somehow, even skinnier without the Organization coat. Wiry and bony, with those dark emerald eyes. Not bad, really. Not bad at all.   
“Those markings you had on your cheeks,” Riku set down the empty wrapping that had contained the fish, “why did they dissapear?”  
“Mm?” Lea looked confused for a second before touching his own cheek, “oh, those. I’m not sure. Guess it was just a side effect of being a Nobody. Does weird things to the body.”  
Riku didn’t reply, just leaned up against his wall and exhaled deeply. He felt better after eating. He was till tired. He still missed Sora.   
“Are you thinking about me as a Nobody or something?” Lea asked, and Riku could hear the tease in his voice.   
Riku turned to look at him, “You’re different now. I’m different now.”  
“You were never a Nobody,” Lea frowned.   
“I was nothing, though,” Riku let his head loll against the wall, “I was a shell. A vessel. I was darkness.”   
“I know,” Lea said softly, “I read...the reports.”  
Riku laughed, bitter and hollow, “Right.”  
There was a prolonged moment of silence, and then suddenly Lea was sitting down on the foot of his bed. He was very close.   
“What’re you doing?” Riku asked, voice sharper than he had intended.   
Lea rested his back against the wall, looking utterly at home, as if he was always on Riku’s little bed.   
“I know,” he said quietly.  
“Know what?” Riku felt utterly lost.  
“I know,” Lea’s voice was low and throaty, “that you’re in love with Sora.”  
Riku’s whole body reacted to the words, the ones he had thought for so long but never heard out loud. He felt himself recoiling from Lea, turning away and looking down so his hair would fall in front of his face.  
“You have no--”  
“You can deny it if you want,” Lea’s said loftily, “but I know. I was in love with my best friend, too, once.”  
Riku looked up at that, surprised, “What?”  
“When I was a kid, back in Radiant Gardens,” Lea looked faraway, “my friend Isa. You probably knew him as Saix.”  
“Saix?” Riku was shocked, “he’s...I mean...”  
“He was different,” Lea looked down at his hands, “we both were. Back then. It feels like a thousand years ago, you know, but...”  
“Are you...still...?”  
Lea laughed humorlessly, “No, not...not like when we were young. When we were humans. Being a Nobody in the Organization with him...it was...it felt like...I don’t know, is there something that’s love and hate and nothing all at the same time?”  
Riku thought about that for awhile. He could remember being younger, too. On the islands. How he had loved Sora. How he had hated him. It had been obvious, then, that Sora had eyes only for Kairi. Riku had seen his future, stretched out like the ocean: the three of them growing up, Sora and Kairi getting together, getting married, Riku alone. It had filled him with rage. He had decided to leave them before they could leave him. He had punished Sora dearly for that silly, puppy love crush Sora had had on Kairi. Punished them all.   
“Love, hate, and nothing at all,” Riku murmured, reaching up to touch his temple as if he could feel the press of a blindfold, “I think I can understand that.”   
Lea looked at him, and the heat in his eyes sent shivers down Riku’s spine, “So you don’t deny it, then?”  
Riku’s voice was hoarse when he answered, “No.”  
Lea smiled grimly, “I know it’s painful.”   
Riku shrugged, “It is...just the reality.”  
“You’re not going to tell him?”   
Riku scoffed, “Of course not. Did you tell Isa?”  
“I might have,” Lea sighed, “If I had the chance. If we’d gotten older together. He knew, though. I know he did. He knows, now.”   
Riku had never considered that Sora could know. He felt panicked for a moment, before gently reminding himself how much of a goof Sora was. Surely he hadn’t guessed.   
“I can’t,” Riku said softly, “he’s in love with Kairi. I’m sure he is.”  
“He told you?”  
“He doesn’t have to,” Riku said, and he couldn’t keep the bitterness out of his voice, “I just know it.”  
Lea grinned, lazy and indolent, “Do you just hate her?”   
“No,” Riku felt ashamed again, “But I did, once.”  
“Love makes us monsters,” Lea chuckled, but Riku would hear how serious he was.   
The two of them were quiet for a long moment. Then, slowly, Lea reached out put his fingers on Riku’s jaw, turning his head.  
“What are you doing?” Riku said, though he knew.   
Lea slipped his hand into Riku’s hair, fingers tangling as he drew him closer still, “I don’t know about you, but I could use a distraction from being miserable all the time.”   
“Distraction,” Riku’s breath was uneven, “Is that what you think I am?”   
Lea grinned before pressing a kiss to Riku’s throat, then another. His lips were shockingly warm and Riku reached out to grab his shoulders, pulling him in. They were becoming hopelessly tangled.   
“You’ve always distracted me,” Lea said before pushing Riku down on the bed and kissing him, hard.   
Riku, who had slim experience with kissing, found himself reacting with unexpected enthusiasm. His hands were roving up Lea’s arms, chest, back, as Lea’s kisses became deeper and less frantic.   
“Are you,” Lea broke away, breathing heavily as Riku thumbed his rib cage, “Have you, ever, er--”  
“Oh,” Riku blushed, “No.”  
“Ah,” Lea looked down at him with a small smile, “then--”  
“We, we can,” Riku blurted, “I--I’ve wanted--”   
“So eager,” Lea pressed a kiss to Riku’s jaw, “But not tonight, no. Let’s work up to it. I don’t want to rush you.”   
Riku wanted to protest, but then they were kissing again and the argument seemed less important.

Later, after Lea had left, Riku lay away in his bed staring up at the ceiling. He felt warm and tired. He couldn’t believe he’d just done that with Lea. In a way, it made sense. They were similar. They had both experienced darkness, come out on the other side.   
Riku felt good. It had felt good.   
He also felt a kind of terrible, empty pit in his chest. It was hard to pretend that that wasn’t something he wanted to do with Sora. He couldn’t help picturing it, pressing Sora down onto the bed as he kissed him. Sora’s familiar hands in his hair. Sora’s voice mumbling his name as Riku’s hands--  
Enough, Riku rolled over, cheeks hot, that’s enough.   
A distraction. Lea was a good one. It didn’t stop thoughts of Sora from coming, in these quiet moments, to remind Riku of what he really wanted.


End file.
